Monday, January 07, 2008
Five months ago on a sticky summer morning I was startled awake by a bang on my door. It was Adam, a young designer who used to sublet a room in my apartment. "Rise and shine Goliath! It's gladiator time"
Hours earlier I had stumbled into the apartment and he told me he was going to try out for American Gladiators and that I should come. After reminiscing about "The Eliminator" and our other favorite Am Glad (yea I call it that) games I promised I would come along and try out with him. We entertained the dream of being selected and even thought of gladiator names. I was Goliath and he was Gigantor. I didn't think he would actually expect me to go with him the next morning at 8am, but there I was half asleep without an excuse.
The audition went well. We were clearly the smallest people there but I didn't mind the skeptics who thought we were wasting our time. I finished the physical fitness test with a fast time and better than average reps on the pull up bar. I tried my best and thought I did well so I was happy.
Adam, my roommate and I felt proud walking out of the gym that morning and quickly found the nearest McDonalds.
I never heard back from NBC and frankly never really cared... that is, until tonight. All I wanted to do was order in some dinner and watch the BCS championship. After realizing I had an hour to kill before kickoff I decided to watch the premier of American Gladiators which I recorded last night. The show wasn't bad and it was nothing special. The interviews between games were cheesy but I let them slide, because I think they were done in authentic Am Glad corniness.
However, I had one major problem with the show that came in the second half. The third male contender was a undersized Asian guy called Moley. Immediately my roommates and had the same thought. That could/should have been me! I was supposed to be that little asian guy with speed and agility who could beat the Gladiators! Was it because Moley wore glasses? Or was it because he was soft spoken and exuded the demeanor stereotypical of Asian males in Hollywood. Did he know some Martial Art? Whatever it was that made them pick Moley over me it won't take him to the championship and in the end it was Am Glad's loss by not picking me.... right? : (
All I know is they better hope I don't try out for season 2. Because my quest isn't over and one day I will prevail. So watch out Titan! With your bleached eyebrows and chiseled features... You too Wolf guy! and don't think I've forgotten about you Toa... Mr. Subtly-racist Polynesian stereotype who chants gibberish... Goliath will not rest!