Sometimes these rules will spawn from my extreme responses to daily events (like my bad posts) and sometimes they will be completely random (like my worse posts). And yes, if you're wondering, this is a shameless imitation of Esquire's rules and the "Man Law" in recent Budweiser commercials. I can only hope to be as egregiously sexist and witty as they have.
Without a better way to explain these rules, I'll just give you one already:
RULE #1: If Alton Brown and Anthony Bourdain ever fight in a cage match for rights to the nickname "A.B."... put your money on Tony.