Top Ten Signs It's Summer (and you need a job)

I remember the summers in elementary school. I stayed up late to watch Conan, woke up at noon, had raspberry popsicles all day, watched MTV all day, taught myself to make quesadillas and grilled cheese and rollerbladed everywhere. Not much has changed since then.

Here are the Top 10 signs summer has arrived and you need to get a job. Now, I'm not one to judge. I have only been able to observe these signs because I, myself, have too much time on my hands.

So here they are:

1. You get more than 8 hours of sleep

2. You talk to the TV like they can hear you (during newscasts, movies, etc)

3. Unavoidable naps after lunch

4. Multiple showers a day

5. You look up every concert in town for the next month

6. Your alarm is your friends text that they've sent from work during their mid-morning break

7. Leaving the apartment for lunch is more about getting fresh air then hunger

8. You average 1.5 status updates on Facebook per day

9. You memorize every line to "She's All That" (1999)

10. You can name 3 Billy May's endorsed products

Weekly Hit List

Don't let the John King on CNN get to you! The recession is a self-fulfilling prophecy, so lift your spirits, ring in spring and rise on the shoulders of this week's recession proof Hit List.

• 10 cent Wing Monday and Wednesdays at Croxley Ales on Ave B between 2nd and 3rd St. has been my unofficial mead hall for years. Great staff. Excellent wings and an extensive beer list. Sure the church pews can be a little creepy, but the wings are worth it. It gets hectic on game days but for a laid back atmosphere come in after 11PM. The wing deal lasts til 1AM
• The monday night party at Dark Room in the LES has been drawing in crowds the past few weeks. (free PBRs from 11PM to 12AM...shhhh)
  
• Crocodile Lounge on 14th St. (and the Alligator Lounge in Brooklyn) gives you a free personal pizza with every beer. 
• Speaking of Brooklyn, the Brooklyn Brewery hosts brewery tours on Saturday and Sunday on the hour from 12 noon to 4pm. 
• For those of you who the recession is hitting especially hard join in on the celestial pre-game banger  as the Sun takes the exact position it held in the sky as it did the day God created the universe this Wednesday before the fasting begins for the millions of Jews celebrating Passover.

Why Rahm Emanuel?

Top 10 Worst Things to Eat Off of Someone

This Top 10 list finally arrives by popular demand. Though unfortunately I can't speak from experience, some friendly neighbors happen to be experts on this topic (and apparently have a lot of mayonnaise around). Here is the list we came up with.

As always, in no particular order:

1. Sloppy Joe (unless you're eating off a guy named Joe. Then it would be funny.)

2. Fruit Salad

3. Egg Salad

4. Flavored Cream Cheese ( I don't even like it on bagels)

5. Top Ramen

6. Bean-less chili

7. Cole Slaw

8. Creamed Corn

9. Chicken Tikka

10. Corned Beef Hash

Sergio's White Hot Top 5

This guy has a great job. He gets paid for making a "Top 5" list! I double his productivity on a weekly basis for FREE! But what can I say? the dude is funny. Check him out on "Infomania" on Current TV (Check your local listings)

I once thought of tackling this topic on a top 10 list but shied away.

Rule #32: After seeing many of my original blog post themes on Current.com and the Jake Blog (Love/Hate)... "YA SNOOZE YA LOSE!"

Enjoy this.

Top Ten Things You Love to Hate

Keeping with the theme of Valentine's Day, Love and Hate. I decided to take a moment to think of those special things that catch our attention. They captivate us, we simultaneously despise them and are infatuated with them. The mere sight of them brings fire to our eyes until we stop and think, "What would the world be like without them?" and smile. Sometimes our resentment is justified but often times we have no good reason at all.

Here's to...

1. Kevin Garnett

2. Frat Boys

3. Sorority Girls

4. New Jersey

5. The Economy

6. Made up holidays (Valentine's Day)

7. Conservative Republicans (especially the young ones)

8. Every celebrity with a tabloid nickname (LiLo, Jlo, Beniffer etc.)

9. Talking on cell phone's while driving (Who are you trying to fool? You either miss it or still do it!)

10. The Plain White T's (Why can't I stop listening to his whiny voice?)


Big thanks to Holly for the track.

Enjoy

Top Ten Failed New Inventions in Consumer Electronics: Ain't Nothing Like the Real Thing

Keep in mind that these are from the perspective of a 22 year-old. I can't honestly speak about the 8 Track or the Delorian or anything predating the early 90s.

In no particular order.

1. Segways

2. Nintendo's Virtual Boy

3. Digital picture frames (got tacky after Christmas 2007)

4. Cell phones with cameras

5. Tablet PC

6. Windows based PDAs

7. XFL (I know this doesn't fall within the realm of consumer electronics... but let's face it. It sucked)

8. The Magic Bullet

9. Voice activated typing/ anything voice activated

10. Verizon Ring Back Tones (completely unprofessional)

10 Flavors I Hate

10. horse radish

9. black olives

8. paprika

7. anchovies

6. dentists' "bubble gum" toothpaste (that's not bubble gum)

5. wasabi

4. plain arugula

3. flavored rum

2. Tap water from the spout with all the buttons behind the bar... (aka the water at Tonic on 3rd Ave.)

1. capers

Top Ten Pet Peeves

Unbearablly itchy mosquito bites

Inappropriately condescending people

Party poopers

Waking up and realizing you overslept

When people consistently back out of plans (a.k.a. flakes)

When you get a haircut and hair gets stuck in your collar

Profusely sweating at inappropriate times

People who are picky eaters ("schizzinosi" in Italiano)

Young Neocons

Writer's block

Top 10 Pizza Toppings

As job training comes to an end in Tuscany I've had little time to produce a thoughtful top ten list. So many new sights and tastes have made the past few days a blur.

One thing I have taken note of are my favorite pizza toppings. Everyone everywhere loves pizza. The down side to this is that most people have their own style or idea of what a pizza is. This makes it hard to be a passionate pizza lover. How could I compare a deep dish Dominos pizza with bacon and pepperoni to a pie from John's in NYC? Or even better how can I compare a slice of Bayou Beast from Two Boot's to pizze tagliato margherita off the streets of Florence?

Long story short, it's a tough call but internationaly these toppings have never disappointed.

1. Salami picante (spicy salami)

2. Sausage

3. Fresh Mozzarella

4. Onion

5. Ham/ Prosciutto Cotto

6. Mushrooms

7. Artichokes

8. Fresh Tomato

9. Bacon (of Course)

10. Peppers

Top 10 Worst Things About Flying

Instead of wasting my time writing a post about how much I hated my travel experience with US Airways yesterday, I decided to quickly point out 10 things that make flying a little more miserable than it really needs to be.

10. Being randomly selected to get your bags swiped for explosive powder-- ??

9. Taking off your shoes at the metal detector -- By now the bomber knows not to hide things in the shoes

8. The "no liquids in your carry-0n rule"

7.  The middle seat

6. Having to board in "Zones"

5. People who crowd the gate before they call their zone

4. People who are way too overdressed for traveling

3. Really loud crying toddlers (Not Babies... Toddlers. The ones that are old enough to eek out that fake crying/whine when they run out of genuine tears)

2.  Passive aggressive flight attendants who think you can't tell they hate being nice all the time

1. Poorly dubbed in-flight movies that had to be edited so that they were rated PG 

Top Ten Ways to Serve Bacon Bits

Bacon bits make everything taste better. I am very liberal when it comes to covering things in bacon. Here are my top ten favorite things I enjoy covered in bacon bits.

10. Chef Salad
9. Pizza
8. Potato Salad
7. Baked Potatoes
6. Baked Potato Soup
5. Any pasta with Alfredo
4. Cheese Burgers
3. Cheese Fries
2. Grilled Cheese Sandwhiches
1. Maple Donuts

Top 10 90s Sitcoms

They all have really catchy theme songs

1. Seinfeld
2. Friends
3. Martin
4. Saved By The Bell
5. Family Matters
6. Perfect Strangers
7. Cheers/ Small Wonder (Tie)
8. Living Single
9. Full House
10. Home Improvement

Top 10 Games That Kill Time

Do you have a favorite game to play when you're stuck in a car on a road trip? At the airport? Dentist? Waiting to be seated at a restaurant?

Listed below are ten fun free ways that I enjoy killing time with friends. These games will surely transform your dullest moments of silence into instant fun!


10. Rock Paper Scissors

9. Thumb Wrestling

8. Bloody Knuckles

7. Hot Hands

6. Staring Contests

5. Pointing at random high objects and seeing who can jump and touch them

4. Apples to Apples

3. Thumper

2. Contact

1. Categories


* For instructions on how to play these games, search them on wikipedia or ask any middle school student.

Top Ten List: Fourth of July Edition

Okay, so I don't exactly have 10 favorite patriotic songs, but here's one that will bring you back to elementary school. Sing along since you know the words and if you still remember, sing along with the gestures (i.e. the chest pound for "heart beats true")

Top 10 Things I'll Probably Eat Upon Arrival in LA

Note- I've listed these in no particular order. Truth be told, I listed them in the order they came to mind. With exception to probably "The Number Four", I DO NOT consider these the BEST things to eat in LA by any means. I do however recommend them to those who haven't tried them. This is the food that I usually have at home, when I'm on my way out, or when no one is grilling - food that I love. This is food that I can't get anywhere else that I for sure will eat when I'm in LA...


10. Double Western Bacon Cheesburger Combo (aka "The Number Four") - Carl's Jr.

9. Carne Asada Tacos - La Estrella (or their rival taco truck on S. Fair Oaks Ave. above California Blvd.)

8. Chili Cheeseburger w/o tomato and pickles on the side - Hi Life Burgers

7. Curly Fries w/ buttermilk ranch dipping sauce - Jack in the Box

6. Beef Kebab Plate - Mediterranean Cafe

5. Double Cheesburger - Tommy's

4. "The Widow Maker" - Claim Jumpers

3. Fish Tacos - Taco Nazo

2. Super Nachos - Albertos

1. House Special Noodles - Townsend

Top 10 Underrated Disney Characters

Not too many people know this but one of my first jobs was at the Disney Store. Despite the embarrassing short sleeved denim shirts, next-to-nothing wage and non-stop Disney Channel promos looping all day long, I had a good time. I worked with great people and gained a great understanding of customer service. By far, the most gratifying skill I took from my two year stint at the Disney Store was the ability to recognize obscure Disney characters.


Here are a few of my favorite Disney characters who are often overshadowed.

10. Mowgli - The Jungle Book

9. Cpt. Li Shang - Mulan

8. Alan Bradley - Tron

7. Gaston - Beauty and the Beast

6. Crush - Finding Nemo

5. The Jamaican Bob Sled Team - Cool Runnings

4. Kuzco - The Emperor's New Groove

3. Ludwig Von Drake - He's Donald Duck's uncle. Very smart guy. Hosted various Disney programs made some cameos on Duck Tales etc.

2. Cliff Secord - The Rocketeer

1. Yeti - Monsters, Inc.

The Return of the Top 10 List!

It has been a long time since I've been able to whip up a clever new weekly top 10 list. But I'm glad to say that at least for today... It's back!

While on the subject of triumphant returns today's list highlights my top ten favorite movie sequels.


10. Rocky II - Mr. T as Clubber Lang

9. Toy Story 2 - Classic Pixar

8. X2: X-Men United - Very cool finally seeing my favorite comic book characters in action

7. Kill Bill vol. 2 - My favorite style of fight choreography

6. Batman Returns - Great Tim Burton film

5. Back to the Future Part 2 - I can't wait until the auto adjust Nikes come out

4. Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey - I have "God Gave Rock n' Roll To You" by KISS on my iPod because of this movie

3. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade - Non-stop action from beginning to end

2. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi - Billy Dee Williams (that's all I need to say)

1. Terminator 2: Judgement Day - This is just one of my favorite movies period.

The Opportunity Cost & A Belated Top 10

One thing that is always tough to do (at least for some of us) is to sit down and calculate expenses. Recently I have found myself staring down a huge list of both expenses and some very important decisions that will have lasting affects on my life. As these plans and big decisions become more concrete I'll share them with you all, but the point I am struggling to get at today is that things cost a lot!

Every thing we do costs something whether it be time, money or the infinite other opportunities we let pass up. Yes we've all heard this the first day of Econ. right? "No such thing as a free lunch" that is, unless you are with Dickie Shiriani : )

With that in mind I had an old friend over the other night who apparently has not taken full advantage of his own educational opportunities here at NYU. To put it bluntly this person is a poster child for neo-conservative America and his views on social issues mirror those of a Grand Wizard in the Ku Klux Klan. It's more sad than it is shocking when I think about it.

We had a little "debate" on issues that I haven't expressed about ever before on this blog. We talked about the "War" in Iraq (If that's what you want to call it) and it made me think... I remembered hearing how much the war costs a day and it turns out that it is estimated to cost US tax payers 341 MILLION DOLLARS A DAY!.... that is depending who you ask because some statisticians have incorporated the costs Americans have incurred as a result of the increase in the price of oil...

I'll stop here before I fill up my whole home page trying to express a frustration that statistically you most likely share with me. but before I go I will imagine the TOP 10 things I would do with the $508,000,000 million the US has spent on this war.


TOP 10

10. Pay off student loans

9. Hire a personal chef and a full cooking staff

8. Buy a building in Manhattan and get Bobby Flay to open a Thai restaurant downstairs

7. Pay Bravo to take "Millionaire Matchmaker" off the air

6. Loan money to the Dodgers so they could build a championship team

5. Build a network of energy efficient schools in developing countries

4. Sponsor the education of every child in Haiti for a 20 years... and throw in some Nike Frees for all them while I'm at it.

3. Customize a space shuttle with an elastic cord that would pull 100 tons of waste and make daily trips up to space so I could sling the waste toward the sun

2. Hire a marching band to follow me and play songs at my request. (e.g. The Imperial March, Final Countdown, The Gap Band, Stevie Wonder etc.)

1. Throw a party a party on a deserted island and have the theme be "Castaways from Gilligan's Island"

Τεταρτη 10 Λογοι

If you are my age or older than you might find this next list amusing.

During my travels last week for spring break I frequented various different bars, clubs and lounges etc. in and around New Orleans, Los Angeles and New York. Being the observant blogger that I am, I took note of specific characteristics that I always notice when going into a place I won't enjoy.

Since I promised two lists this week I have made one multifaceted list.

The Top Ten Signs You Need to Leave a Bar/Club

AND 

The Top Ten Signs You are at the Best  High School Party Ever

10. Beers and cocktails are being served in plastic Solo cups

9. By cocktails they strictly mean either vodka and orange juice or vodka and cranberry

8. There is a lady selling flowers on the dance floor (I think this is an LA thing)

7. They played the "Superman" song twice

6. There are 18 year old girls riding a mechanical bull

5. They played the "Superman" song once

4. It is located in a strip mall (unless the strip mall has a 24 hour Taco Bell)

3. After you get passed the bouncer you are approached by a scrawny frat boy asking for a $10 dollar cover charge

2. There is an obnoxious emcee on stage screaming obnoxious things like "Wanna take it back to the 80s ladies?!" and belting the lyrics to every song.

1. The DJ is using his iTunes to play music


* Note: There are definitely exceptions to some of these rules. I have definitely been to fun places with plastic cups... and I even know of a cool place that happens to be in a strip mall.  I also don't believe there is a place that possess all 10 of these characteristics and if it does exist then I'm glad I am not aware of it.